I want to share with you a little experience I had with Dragon Boy at a concert not too long ago.
Don’t you love it when your parenting skills are called into question in a very public way? That’s kind of what happened. We took the boys to a concert, Stolen Silver (who was awesome!) and Gary Sinise and the Lt. Dan Band. We had fun. So much fun. Dancing, singing, running around. There were lots of other kids there and it was a great family experience. The picture above is us dancing before things went awry.
But something happens to Dragon Boy in these kind of situations. I should have seen it coming and taken measure to prevent what was coming but I didn’t. Lots of noise, lots of movement, lots of people, lots of a lot of craziness. It’s over stimulating and almost always leads to something not so great happening. I should have seen the wild look in his eyes and taken him outside. Life is full of should haves.
It started with Dragon Boy running up full blast and punching me in the butt. Totally unacceptable. He wasn’t doing it to be mean, he was just very amped up and decided that was the fun thing to do. Second time I caught him and told him I did not like that and if he did it again, we would have to leave.
I thought we were doing good since he decided to just run laps around the bleachers and leave me alone. But about 5 minutes after the butt punching talk, I felt an empty can of soda hit me in the back. The little stinker decided throwing an empty can of soda at me in front of a bleacher full of people would be awesome.
I could feel the judgmental eyes boring holes in me. Everyone thinking, “I wonder what she’s going to do” or “I hope that little brat gets what’s coming to him”. Heck, back BC (before children), I would have thought the same thing. I even heard someone say “Ooh, he’s gonna get it” as we walked by.
What did I do? First I took him away from all those drilling eyes. Second, I took a few deep breaths. I was mad and jerking him around, yelling, spanking wasn’t going to do either of us any good. At this point, he still didn’t even realize he had done something bad and any punishment would have been confusing.
I tried talking to him but he was still very very wound up. He wasn’t ignoring me, he was just overly stimulated and couldn’t hear me. I had him sit on my lap until I could feel him relax. When he could look me in the eyes, then I talked to him.
We did go back to the concert. Best situation would have been to leave then but I didn’t want to punish the other boys for Dragon Boy being over stimulated. We sat at the back, no more running around, just listening to the music.
So What Exactly is This Post About
The reason I wanted to share this experience is because maybe it will help someone change perspective. This situation wasn’t about Dragon Boy’s behavior, it was about what he was experiencing. Sometimes when we are able to back up and see things from the outside, we can see what is causing certain behaviors. Kids don’t like having temper tantrums, they aren’t trying to be naughty. They aren’t thinking, “What can I do to really tick Mom off?” There is always a reason behind these behaviors and when we can see that, many times we can fix it without yelling, without spanking, without getting mad. And if we can’t change the situation, at least we can understand.
“You child isn’t giving you a hard time, your child is having a hard time.”